She sat slumped in a wheelchair, staring back at the graduate students gathered around a table. Our psychology professor interviewed her about her injuries. Softly, she told a halting story of an abusive husband who habitually beat her. She never understood what would set him off. Sometimes it was because he imagined she was flirting with another man; sometimes he was drinking; sometimes she did not have dinner ready when he got home. There was always a different, new reason, but the confrontation ended the same way – bruising, burns, and lacerations.
When he picked up a baseball bat, he fractured her spine, paralyzing her.
I listened to her story, horrified, and grappling with questions: “Why did she stay with him? Why did she just leave?” I had no firsthand experience with intimate partner violence; I did not know anyone who was battered.
When it was time to choose a topic for the course assignment, I decided to write my class paper on intimate partner violence.
As I dug into the topic, I discovered my question was simplistic. Why didn’t she leave? It is mostly women who are battered, trapped in abusive relationships for many reasons: fear of what would happen to the children if they left, and not having work options, transportation, self-esteem, or outside support.
After I turned in my class paper, almost on a lark, I asked my graduate nursing program professor for feedback on its quality. She said to me, “This is a great paper. You ought to turn it into an article.” I said, “How do I do that?” The professor explained a little bit of the process: Find a journal in my nursing field, look at the writing style, review the requirements for submitting an article for publication, and send a query letter to the journal.
This conversation took place in 1979, well before I built my first website in 1985, and started blogging in 2009. The only people I’d written for were my high school teachers.
Without the professor’s encouragement, it never would have occurred to me that I could be published. She was a critical factor, a gentle prodding that made it easy to take that first step.
The journal Nursing 80 published my article, The Battered Wife, in 1980. The experience encouraged me to keep writing.
Do you need encouragement to tackle a writing project? An article, ebook, or book?
Or do you question your ability to share information effectively?
Imposter Syndrome
Imposter syndrome is a feeling of inadequacy that can negatively affect a person’s ability to start or finish writing a book, as they ask, “Who am I to write this book?”
One of my colleagues said, “I feel there are so many people more qualified than I am to write a book.”
This condition can affect people in any area of their lives—or more than one.
When I interviewed Ron Karr, a former national president of the National Speakers Association, he said, “We make stories up as to what happens to us or what people tell us. Some are good stories; some are not remarkable stories. The point is we create stories.
“I remember when I was a young kid, I went to try out for the choir in school. And the teacher came up to me and said, ‘Look, you do not have a voice, all right? So, find something else that you are more passionate about.’
“Now, if you look at her point of view, she thought she was doing me a great service, because she did not want me to belabor something that may not work, and she was looking out for me. But we have all heard stories of other people getting the same message about a voice, and yet it really bothered them. And they developed the story, ‘I’ll never be able to sing,’ except for those one or two people who did not let that become the story. They still pushed through and became famous singers. That is the difference.
“We must understand that whatever we are thinking about as a reaction to what someone says does something to us. It is a story that we are creating. The beauty about that is we wrote that story. So, if that story is not serving us well, we have the power to rewrite it.”
Many would-be writers think they cannot complete their books. Do you view yourself this way?
Do you answer yes to any of these statements?
- I do not feel that I have the expertise to write on the subject I have chosen, even though, if I am objective, I can recognize that I know more than many other people in my field.
- I do not believe I have the necessary writing skills for a book.
- When I read something I have written, the errors jump out at me, and I suffer over them. I do not look for what I have done well.
- It is hard for me to accept even constructive criticism.
- I am sure that if my book gets published, people will call me a fraud.
How Imposter Syndrome Feels
Ironically, those who suffer most from imposter syndrome are often high achievers who struggle to recognize their achievements.
Sheryl Sandberg, former Chief Operating Officer of Facebook, says: “Every time I was called on in class, I was sure that I was about to embarrass myself. Every time I took a test, I was sure that it had gone badly. And every time I did not embarrass myself—or even excelled—I believed I had fooled everyone yet again. One day soon, the jig would be up.”
Howard Schultz, who was CEO of Starbucks, felt undeserving of the role and insecure in it. In a New York Times interview, he said, “Very few people, whether you have been in that job before or not, get into the seat and believe today that they are now qualified to be the CEO. They are not going to tell you that, but it is true.”
Others who suffered from imposter syndrome include David Bowie, Charlize Theron, Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor, and many more.
Overall, white men, especially if they are middle- or upper-class, are least susceptible to imposter syndrome. Conversely, women experience it more, as do men and women of races other than white.
Breaking Down the Syndrome
It is easiest to see the origin of imposter syndrome in the corporate world because traditionally white men make the rules that best serve them. As they climb the corporate ladder, they mirror the behavior of white male role models. This psychological structure stems from a belief that men are smarter than women, leading to overconfidence and arrogance that undermine leadership talent.
Women and the men who do not fit into this arrangement blame themselves rather than the system. They are convinced they do not know as much as the men strutting around at the top of the ladder.
How Can You Overcome Imposter Syndrome?
If you hear a little voice whispering that you are overestimating your competence, that you are not that talented or knowledgeable, and that you should just quit, you know imposter syndrome is speaking.
Stop and address that voice. List your credentials and qualifications. If you have trouble doing this, pretend you are writing about someone else. Be as objective as possible. This exercise may also reaffirm that you are genuinely competent. This will give you confidence to start and finish your book.
You would be horrified to know how many partially written books languish because of imposter syndrome.
Every time imposter syndrome strikes, repeat the process. Realize that you are not only in this for yourself; you have something to share. If you recognize any of the signs of imposter syndrome and how it might hinder your writing, know that identifying an obstacle keeps you from slamming into it.
After my first article was published, I submitted other pieces. The second article that I wrote flowed from a paper that I presented at the 1979 American Diabetes Association Annual Conference. My paper was based on work I did in graduate school on pregnancy and diabetes.
Next, I poured my heart into a third article about my experiences having a premature baby. I explained the circumstances of my first son’s birth and included advice to nurses to help parents who were going through a similar experience.
I have been writing for publication ever since. My articles led to my first book. My books opened up career opportunities, boosted my authority, and ultimately led to a very successful career that generated millions of dollars of income.
The Hole in the Door
About a year after my article on the battered wife, I saw a hole in the door of my mother’s bedroom. This was completely out of character for my meticulous mother, who enjoyed being surrounded by elegance. She said my stepfather had punched the hole. The hole should have set off alarms in my mind. It didn’t.
About a month later, my stepfather hit my mother in the face. She went to the emergency department, asked them to take photographs, and dictated the terms of their separation to him.
In many significant ways, my mother was quite different from the paralyzed woman. She was completing a graduate degree in guidance and counseling, and as a nurse, was fully capable of supporting herself. Her children were grown and living independently. As the child of a British Irish couple, she learned how to be a survivor and had strong self-esteem.
My mother did not wait for the baseball bat. The first time he hit her, my stepfather sealed his fate. He was out of her life within days, and I never saw him again.
Pat Iyer MSN RN LNCC is a consultant, speaker, author, editor and book coach. She has written or edited 73 of her own books and worked with dozens of authors as an editor and book coach. Her most recent books include AI-Powered Video for LNCs book and workbook.
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